2. I am still tall 3,600 miles away from home
3. You eat lunch at 2 pm, and you eat it all. All 3 dishes that could each fead a small African village
1. They say that culture shock comes in every shape and size. Mine came every few days at 3 pm when I had just finished a lunch that could put a fat man in a coma and I decided that I wanted to abuse my body some more by buying some excellent 1 Euro chocolate. As I'm walking from street to street looking for any store that might be open I realized that these people just don't like to work! Also, I'm pretty sure the government decided that there were better ways to get out of an economic crisis than working 8 full hours a day. I've slowly come to the conclusion that Siesta is a good thing, and that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. (Okay, that's a lie, I've been practicing siesta since I was in high school and decided that napping was more important than reading for Mr. Babichenko's AP World History class because he didn't deserve my attention in class let alone at home and frankly, I was still growing and really freaking tired). So, I've managed to overcome my need for post-excessive food indulging and just take a nap! But seriously, people literally every major and minor shop in a 15 mile radius of Salamanca is closed. I think the hospital even takes a siesta but no one bats an eye because it's just what is.
2. You fellow readers may not be surprised that a 6.2 girl is STILL tall a continent away but it always comes as a slight surprise to me when I go to Europe and I'm not surrounded by tall men throwing chocolate and flowers in my direction. (Apparently that shit happens here). However, the difference I've noticed is that while I have not shrunk on my 8 hour flight over here, I am highly respected for the fact that my mom had some giant genes she wanted to throw my way. It's like when the Spanish rode on their huge horses and massacred the Aztec people (thank you, Latin American Civ), and while the Aztecs were getting slaughtered they decided that these huge horse-people were really Gods. I'm not saying thats exactly what I'm experiencing but it's pretty similar and totally cool. No, I am not massacring anyone but I did get approached by a midget who proclaimed his love to me in a club called Midevo (He was literally a midget, under 4 feet. or 1 meter or whatever they say here). I decided to let him live.
3. Lunch is eaten at 2 instead of 12:30 and it is almost always the size of a thanksgiving feast. And you have to eat it all. Not only do these people take siesta seriously (aka not working), they also take their lunch seriously. My new mom begins cooking lunch around 6 in the morning which I know because my room is right next to the kitchen window which is always open. This is not me complaining. I actually like incorporating the smells of the food we're going to eat and her clanking dishes together into my dreams. Once the whole family is seated at the table NewMom takes the liberty to serve us our first dish, which is usually a delicious thick creamy soup. The bowls are the size of our heads and it's filled to the bring. She then serves our NewDad, Ricardo and herself about a third of what she served us. We eat the whole thing and politely insist that we literally could not eat another bit because we might explode and we move onto the second dish. Here's the thing about meal time: It's all an acting game. This is what I learned in our intensivo that we had the first 2 week here. When you are offered food and you said "oh, no gracias" just like your mother taught you, they take that as "yes please, I'd love some more thank you for asking." I didn't learn till later that you had to throw in about 16 different phrases, man including "I can't eat anymore, seriously, you're going to kill me." Which apparently is the polite way of saying "seriously, NewMom, I'm worried that you might be trying to get rid of me with death by food."
The second dish is the meat portion. It's either pieces of chicken, steak, or lamb and it is almost always fried. And then covered in oil. And for both the first and second dish you must eat a big size of baguette because "it just isn't the same when you don't dip the bread in the fat/oil" They're right, it isn't the same. Even though I feel like I might just have a heart attack after the meal it really does make a different with that sleeve of bread that you also managed to stuff in your tummy. After the second dish comes the dessert.
By dessert I mean FRUIT! You might be saying to yourself, "well that's not too bad at all. Fruit's good for you!" Everything in moderation, my friends. The Spanish don't believe in moderation. They believe in Siesta and feeding you until you die. Most days we get melon. Melon the size of the elephant man's head. And yes, you eat it all.
With all of this said, I must confess that if she wasn't stuffing this wonderful food down my throat I would probably be doing it to myself, anyway. The food is just too amazing to decline. And if you do, the cook aka NewMom may no longer find a reason to live.
Don't fret, there is more to come.
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